You’re worth helping. Here’s why

TLDR: Reaching out isn’t weak or selfish. It’s an act of self-trust. It means I believe I’m worth helping.”

I love coaching. 

I love how I get to talk to people from across the world, to learn about their journey, and to see their smile as they learn that they are not broken. I love helping them.

Yet, I find myself reluctant to ask for help.

I’ve been coaching for four years now, but I've never put enough effort into building my own business. Not because I didn’t care, but because I was too scared of the unknown. I didn’t know how to do marketing, and I didn’t know my selling point. So when I started writing this thing called “Value Proposition,” I had no idea what I was doing, and that was scary.

Still, with ChatGPT, I was able to get a rough draft of the document. As much as I was proud of myself, the content looked weird. I didn’t know exactly what was wrong with it.

And the self-doubt started creeping in.

I didn’t want to ask for help.

I have a friend who works as a marketing manager and knows this thing like the back of her hand. I could contact her, but I didn’t want to. I was afraid of sending her a message asking for help.

“I haven’t talked to her for a while, and the first thing I’m going to do is ask for help.”

What would that make me?

I thought I had to be polite and considerate. People wanted me to remember them when things go well and not when things go bad. I shouldn’t burden her with my problems. She’s already busy with her life.

If I reached out for help, I’d be a selfish person. 

However, I needed help, and asking for help would be my most straightforward option. But I didn’t want to bother her. I’m embarrassed to say this, but I was in my head, running in circles for almost 30 minutes.

After a private rumination session, I finally sent her a message:

Hey, do you know what a Value Proposition is? 

Yeah, I know, why?

I have a few questions about that. Can we hop on the call real quick? I promise 5 minutes max.

Then I looked at the clock and realized it was 4.40 p.m., which meant she was still working. I immediately regretted what I had done. “I should check the time before sending the message.”

As I was about to apologize, the app showed “message read,” but she didn’t reply.

The silence continued…

I thought to myself, "Great, now you’ve upset her. Why are you so inconsiderate? Now she won’t help you." Then I hit a very tender spot in my heart, a wound that has been slowly healing but not completely healed yet.

No one wants to help me.

This reminder dragged me into the spiral that I’m so familiar with—all of the shame, guilt, and hopelessness. It was too much for me to handle. I closed my iPad, lay on the couch, and beat myself up for always being such a burden to the people around me.

“I should just keep everything to myself.”

While this sensation has come to me much less often, I know fully well that it’d still take away my willpower, and I have to accept that I won’t be able to achieve much, if at all, today.

I ended up doomscrolling on my phone for the next few hours until the sky got dark. But as I was about to put down my phone to cook dinner, I saw a notification. My friend had replied.

“Hey, I’m back. Sorry. It was a busy day, and I just finished cooking dinner for my hubby. Would you like to hop on the call?”

Still shocked, “Yes”, I replied.

We ended up talking for 15 minutes, and she helped me answer all the questions I had. 

I was too excited and relieved that I didn’t spend time reflecting back on this. Up until now. And the main key takeaways I get from this is

People do care about us.

It’s ironic how I love helping people, but think that no one would want to help me. 

But when I carefully look back at my life, I always have someone supporting me. Whenever I summon the courage to reach out for help, people say yes 99% of the time and are happy to help me, too.

This means that all these unhelpful assumptions are false, and I must be aware of what I tell myself. Here are some statements I try to remind myself of more often.

• If I’m willing to help a friend in need, why assume they wouldn’t do the same for me?

• Maybe my friend didn’t respond simply because they were busy, not because they didn’t care.

• I’ve been underestimating my friends, assuming they can’t or won’t be there for me. They’re better than that.

At the end of the day, this belief has been living with me for decades, growing up, and it won’t disappear overnight. I’ll still doubt my self-worth from time to time.

But I’ll at least keep trying. Try to ask for help, to let people around me know that I need them, then believe that they would offer their hands for me.

Reaching out isn’t weak or selfish, it’s an act of self-trust. It means I believe I’m worth helping.”

People often think that strong or successful people don’t need support. I find the opposite to be true. Successful people have strong support systems in place.

So, if this resonates with you, please do yourself a favor and reach out. Click the link, choose a time, and I’ll be there for you :)