What I’ve learned from letting my insecurities affect two decades of my life

TLDR: Insecurity gets a bad rap, but it's also your secret weapon for growth.

What if I told you the thing that's been holding you back for years might actually be your greatest strength?

I spent two decades pretending I was fine while a middle school moment controlled my entire life.

Height has always been one of my biggest insecurities. I feel small and powerless among my friends, especially now that I’ve been pushing myself to be part of the international community and surrounded by Westerners. 

It’s not that anyone nowadays makes fun of my height. On the contrary, they’re all very supportive. But even that, the security never leaves me. Sometimes, it even becomes so severe that it gives me social anxiety, making it highly challenging for me to even go out.

This obsession didn't appear out of nowhere. It has roots that go back twenty years, to a moment that changed everything.

It started when I was in eighth grade.

Before the summer break, I was the tallest kid in class. I was overweight and hit the growth spurt earlier than most of my friends. Of course, I didn’t know that was happening. I expected myself to continue growing.

So, when I returned to school and noticed that many of my friends had outgrown me, I started to feel less confident. To make things worse, one guy specifically made fun of how I was shorter than him and how I looked fat and small. 

My insecurity about my appearance started in that very moment. I felt unworthy, weak, and scared of taller people as if they would attack me.

Since then, I have learned to distance myself physically and emotionally from people who are taller or bigger than me. During these past two decades, I have probably lost many opportunities to have great relationships. 

Yet, I pretended to be strong and capable to cover my fear. 

However, deep down, I was still a scared kid who never left the painful past.

Until I had a conversation with my supervisor.

"I hate being short. I feel completely powerless around people. I don't feel safe at all," I said.

"Why do you feel that way?" 

"People must look down to talk to me because I'm so small. It would be easy for them to attack me, and I couldn’t defend myself."

"But why would anyone attack you just because you're smaller than them?"

“…That’s a good question.” I had no answer.

That was when the middle school incident rushed back to me. But because I was more aware of things then, this time it clicked in my head. I started seeing the situation for what it was.

It wasn't my height that was the problem. It was how I interpreted that experience that made me feel that way. It's the story I created in my mind. I’d created and lived with many unhealthy assumptions. I assumed that being short means

• I’m powerless

• I’m worthless

• I don’t deserve love.

I’d prefer to be taller. But here’s the thing

We have to live with what we have. 

I can’t change my genetics, and as much as I’d like to be taller, I wonder what that would make me.

Of course, an ideal situation is I reincarnate into someone that looks like Henry Cavill (Don’t ask me why, his face just pops into my head, and to be fair here, who doesn’t think he’s a good-looking guy XD). That life would be amazing, wouldn't it?

It would be different, but not necessarily better. 

I can see how my life would have transformed if I had a different physique. I would probably feel safer and more confident around people and have a better chance of dating as well.

Still, being short has taught me invaluable lessons.

Believing I wasn’t enough, I pushed myself extremely hard in other aspects of life. I couldn't imagine surviving as someone who was short, unintelligent, and irresponsible. It would have been too much to handle (not in a good way). So I did what I could: put effort into something I can control.

As a result of my hard work and dedication, my English skills improved tremendously, providing me with many great opportunities throughout my life. I also became much better at having conversations with others. I learned when to share and to listen, what people wanted in the conversation, and even how to discern their body language, from their speech patterns to subtle gestures.

Most importantly, since I experienced the pain of being bullied, I've made a conscious effort to be kind and supportive to everyone. Kindness and perseverance have become my core values. 

My insecurity has made me who I am today, and I’m grateful for it.

Maybe your insecurity isn't about height - maybe it's your voice, your background, your age. The mechanism is the same.

It's a universal truth that we cannot change our past, no matter how badly we desire it. However, we do have the ability to interpret those stories. Before writing those stories in our minds, it's essential to view them from different angles in a well-rounded manner. The way we tell these stories can easily help or hurt us.

Self-awareness is key to understanding situations correctly, particularly our emotions and their origins. Remember, it took me two decades to realize this because I wasn't aware of my own thoughts until my supervisor helped me.

So, if you feel you’re in the same situation, don’t hesitate to reach out. I was there before, so I can relate and know how hard it is to reach out for help. But having someone support you, especially when you don’t know how to start, can save your time and improve your life. 

Schedule a free private call with me, and I’ll be there to help you.