Why I Chose My Phone Over My Goals This Week (And What It Taught Me)
This week was rough.
I've been working on my business, talking with my clients, and exercising. These things are usually manageable—part of my normal routine that keeps me grounded.
However, my mom called me on Wednesday and told me she was having sciatica pain. That's when my ship started sinking.
I know my triggers. And one of the biggest is "family." So when I learned that my mom had similar pain to what I experienced during my spinal injury, my anxiety skyrocketed.
Since then, I've been scrolling on my phone after every call with clients. Every. Single. Day. I barely did any work. My brain just shut off.
Last night, I finally slowed down and processed what happened during the week. As my anxiety level came down, I noticed another feeling had surged up instead: shame.
I felt ashamed about how I spent my week. I had set goals and built systems, but I didn't follow through. These are my unfiltered thoughts from last night:
"You're hopeless. You had a whole week to write an article and you didn't even start it. How could you make it as a coach—or even help someone—if you can't control yourself? If someone finds out about this, you're doomed."
I wish I was exaggerating. I wasn't. I tend to be extremely harsh on myself, especially when it comes to not meeting my own expectations. When I break what I consider my promises to myself, I make sure to be twice as tough.
But being tough on myself was the last thing I needed at that time.
What Compassion Reveals
If you looked back at what happened through a compassion lens, what would you see?
For me, I see a person who:
Is trying to keep his life together
Is caring deeply about his mom
Is struggling with anxiety triggered by past trauma
If this was a friend or family member, would you be hard on that person for not being productive during such a difficult time?
I'd say no. I'd tell them to take a moment to psychologically rest. They've been torturing themselves for a whole week and keeping everything inside. The sense of isolation alone is big enough to break someone.
The Irony of Self-Criticism
It's funny how we're always our own worst critic. Even me—someone who's been working as a coach for almost five years now. It's a humbling experience to realize we're imperfect and that we can (and should) allow ourselves to struggle.
Now that I look back at it, I realize that I'm no different than my clients. We actually struggle with the same problems, just in different contexts. We believed that by being hard on ourselves, we've come so far and to keep going we have to continue doing that. This experience has reminded me that it's not necessary like that. We can be kind to ourselves and still move forward. It's more sustainable and enjoyable too.
I don't mean productivity is bad or that we shouldn't work when life gets hard. But it's important to be kind to ourselves when these moments happen. The last thing you want when you're struggling with life is someone yelling at you for not doing enough work.
Remember Your Why
We want to be productive to become successful and have a happy, fulfilling life. Your mental health is part of that equation—not separate from it.
So next time you're having a hard time, remember why you wanted to be productive in the first place. It wasn't to punish yourself or prove your worth through endless output.
Don't prioritize productivity over your mental well-being. They're meant to work together, not against each other.
A Simple Practice for Overwhelming Moments
Next time you feel overwhelmed by life, take a moment to acknowledge how hard it is to go through it. Write your feelings down if you want. But please know that you're allowed to rest and you don't need to force yourself to be productive when you're struggling to keep things together.
Forcing yourself to be productive when you can't keep up with life and need rest is unproductive and unhealthy.
If this article resonated with you and you'd like to explore how we can work together on finding a gentler way forward, click here to schedule a free conversation. No pressure—just two people talking about real stuff.
